I like to be alone. I do not like to be lonely.
In the past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on how I feel. I spent time with a friend I hadn’t spoken to in years, and it really got me thinking about how my life is about to change drastically. This thought terrified me only a few months ago, but a lot can change in a few months. I am beyond thrilled.
I’ve realized that I’m not entirely happy with the people I’ve surrounded myself with. Obviously, not all of them, but many of them. I have a few great friends. I can always count on them to be understanding and be there for me. I feel like as long as I’m in high school, however, I have to hold onto those people that I don’t really want to hold onto.
I’m ready to spend time with people who have the same interests as me. I want to spend time with people who value what I have to say instead of tolerate it. I don’t want to brush off that I wasn’t invited to a party because the host forgot me.
I used to think I was just easily replaceable, people forgot about me because I wasn’t important enough to be remembered. But with all the people that I’ve spoken to who are far older than me, I’ve realized they never forget about me. They always want to hear what I have to say, and they value my thoughts and opinions.
I’m just spending time with the wrong people.
This is why I’m thrilled about college. I’ll be surrounded by people who want to learn about what I’m passionate about. I’ll be around people who appreciate the things I talk about. And most importantly, I get to leave the BS that is high school drama for good.
I know that college is further away than I would like it to be, though. I need to be around people that don’t make me want to pull my hair out. I need to find places where I can meet other artsy dorks, or at least attend more events with that sort of vibe. I need to go places by myself, too. Wandering museums and cities by yourself is honestly one of the most refreshing things. You do what you want, you don’t have to go to the bathroom unless you have to go. You want Chinese? You can have Chinese.
So, yes, I do need to get out of the house. And I’m going to let myself be excited to drop contact with a lot of people. I owe it to myself.